It's Not Christmas Without You
by KaeSquared
Summary: "This Christmas was suppose to be the best one yet," he says as he dumps another handful of pills into his mouth and swallows wholeheartedly. He always knew that they would be together in the end. He would make sure of it. TxG Please R&R! Happy Holidays!


**Disclaimer:** I am not affiliated with the HSM franchise in any way, shape or form.

**Dedication:**Written in loving memory of my little sister. I love you and miss you, Krystina!

* * *

No one thought we would make it. They told us that we were so young and naive. They said that first loves always feel like they'll last forever when they never do. But we proved them wrong. It was just me and my high school sweetheart against everyone else in the world. With her beside me, I knew that I could take on anything.

"Do you remember our first Christmas as a couple?" I ask, bringing a bottle to my lips and letting the liquid burn my throat.

I shut my eyes, welcoming the coldness that surrounded me and thinking back to one of my favorite memories of us. We thought that we would have to spend it apart because my parents were dragging me out of town for Christmas and New Years. But fate was on our side in the end.

o.o.o.o.o

"_Troy, stop sulking!" my mom scolded me as we walked into the resort's lobby. "Do you know how many people would love to be in your shoes?"_

"_Then why don't you get one of them?" I muttered, earning a glare from my dad. _

"_Troy Alexander Bolton," he began, making me wince from his harsh tone and the use of my full name, "your mother brought you out here because we know how much you enjoyed last time we were here and we wanted to have a nice family Christmas. I'm sorry that you're missing Gabriella, but it isn't the end of the world."_

_He was wrong. Being so many miles away from my girlfriend killed me. I missed holding her in my arms and smelling her vanilla perfume. I blocked out the rest of his speech as I starred at the home screen of my phone, admiring her smiling face looking back at me._

_My dad gave me a little shove in the direction of the elevator, snapping me out of my trance. I sighed and slipped my phone back into my pocket and picked up the duffle bag I had set down on the floor. My parents and I walked over to the elevators. While we waited for one of them to open, I finally took a chance to look around the lobby. Naturally, it screamed Christmas. A Christmas tree that would make Santa proud, stood in the center. Lights twined around the columns. Garland draped the front desk._

_That's when I saw her. I thought I was going crazy. There was no way that she could be there. Maybe I was missing her so much that I just mistook someone else as her. But then she laughed and I knew she was real. Her laugh was one of a kind. It drew me in, like it always did._

"_Son, where are you going?"_

_I glanced back at him and handed him the duffle bag. "I think I see someone I know," I explained, causing him to look at me like I had three heads."Can I meet you upstairs?" I didn't even wait for his reply as I practically ran across the lobby. I barely noticed that I almost ran over a little kid who was playing on the floor. She just had that effect on me that when she's in a room with me, she's all I see._

"_I just need your signature on the bottom line and you'll be all set," the man behind the counter told her mom._

_She was fidgeting with her phone and oblivious to the world around her, let alone that I was standing right behind her._

"_Miss, I can take your bag for you," I asked, not even bothering to disguise my voice._

"_I've got it," she said, not even bothering to look up as she hitched your bag higher onto your shoulder. _

_Her mom looked over at me with a surprised but pleased look. I guess that she didn't tell her mom that my parents had brought me here on vacation. I brought a finger to my lips to signal her to not say a word. She obliged and began walking towards the elevators._

"_Sweetheart, I'll meet you upstairs."_

"_What was that?" she asked as she furiously typed away on your phone. _

_My phone vibrated in my pocket a minute later. I smiled and said, "A beautiful girl like you-"_

"_I have a boyfriend," she said quickly and looked to her left, expecting to find her mom. _

"_She said that she'll meet you upstairs," I informed, surprised that she had yet to recognize my voice._

"_Thanks," she mumbled, still looking at her phone as she began to walk away._

_I grabbed the strap of her duffle, causing her to whip around so fast that I thought she could hurt herself. Daggers shot out from her dark brown eyes as she slapped ,y hand off her shoulder. After starring at me with a bit of shock written across her face, her expression soften and she's left standing with her mouth slightly agape. _

"_Troy," she exclaimed softly as her cheeks turned an adorable shade of pink._

_Not being able to stand it for much longer, I gathered her up in my arms and buried my nose into her hair. Vanilla is definitely the best damn smell in the world. "Hey baby." I finally greeted her, tightening my grip as I felt her attempt to pull away._

"_I wanted to surprise you."_

_If I pulled away right now, then I'd be sure to find a pout gracing her plump lips. But I wasn't ready to let her go just yet. It had been days since I've been able to hold her like this. _

"_This was my Christmas gift from my Mom. Apparently, the Ski Lodge was having a special for people who were here last year."_

_I laughed and finally let go, taking the duffel bag off of her shoulder and linking our hands. "I think that's why my parents dragged me out here."_

"_For the record, I'm glad that they did."_

"_Me too," I muttered just before sweeping in to kiss her on the lips._

_o.o.o.o.o _

I was the luckiest guy on the earth. How many guys get to spend Christmas and New Years with their girl on a vacation at ski lodge that their parents paid for? We were away from the crazy drama of high school and it really was just me and her. I think that's when our parents' really understood that we were in this relationship for the long haul.

"I don't think I've ever told you this, but that's when I realized I loved you," I say, popping off the top of a pill bottle and spilling a few of the small button-shaped pills into my hand. I swallow them with ease and reach for my bottle of liquor.

Actually, I already knew that I was falling for her. Hell, I knew it since she opened her mouth to sing on that faithful New Year's Eve. Her voice was the most mesmerizing thing about her, besides her smile, of course.

"Last Christmas was my favorite," I admit to her after taking another swig of vodka. "I can still see your beautiful, million-dollar smile when I gave you your present. You're breathtaking already but when you smile, I sometimes forget to breathe."

o.o.o.o.o

"_Hey babe," I said as we wrapped our last minute gifts in our apartment. That's a lie. Gabriella wrapped the gifts and I simply handed her the strips of tape._

"_Yeah?" she replied automatically, not looking up from the task at hand._

"_There's still time for you to tell me exactly what you want so that you'll have the perfect Christmas gift."_

"_I already told you that I didn't want you wasting any money on me."_

"_But it wouldn't be a waste if it makes you happy."_

_Gabriella shot me a coy smile before pushing the gift that she was wrapping aside and crawled over to me. She took the tape dispenser out of my hands and straddled my waist, her arms looped around my neck. "I have everything that I could ever want and more. There's nothing that you could give me that could make me happier than I already am."_

"_Are you sure about that?" I challenged, thinking back to the gift that I hid in the trunk of my car._

"_Positive," she said as she leaned in to kiss me on the lips. "I love you, Troy Bolton."_

"_And I love you, Gabriella Montez," I said, kissing her once again. My arms tightened around her so that she was slush against my chest. I was never going to let this one go._

_She pulled away slightly out of breath and pressed her forehead against mine. "We'll never finish wrapping presents."_

"_I don't care," I muttered against her lips and slowly moved to smooth column of her neck._

"_We'll be late to dinner with our parents."_

"_Fuck them."_

"_Troy!" _

_I smirked against her skin. She meant to scold me but my name rolled off her tongue in more of a moan as I found that one spot that drove her crazy. I felt her arms tighten around my neck, pulling me closer as if it was even possible. I think it's safe to say that she gave in, like I knew she would._

_Several hours later found us hastily gathering our gifts from my car and rushing to the front door._

"_They're going to kill us for being late," she muttered as waited for the door to open._

"_No they wouldn't. We're their only children. If they killed us, who would give them grandkids?"_

_She laughed nervously and looked away. Under the light of the porch light, her cheeks turned a dark shade of red. Most people think it's because of the freezing weather, but I knew differently. She blushed like crazy whenever the topic of marriage or kids were brought up. She wanted kids, that much I knew. But did she want them with me?_

"_Finally!" my dad exclaimed as the door swung open. "I was starting to believe that you two ditched your parents on Christmas Eve."_

"_You're just pissed cuz you were stuck with Mom and Maria as they gossiped," I teased as we stepped through the threshold._

"_Merry Christmas, Jack," Gabriella greeted oh-so sweetly as he took the gifts from her._

"_Merry Christmas to you too, sweetheart," he replied, giving her a little peck on the cheek. My dad had a real soft spot for Gabriella, which worked in my favor in every way. In passing, he told me once that he had wanted a little girl to spoil but he got me instead. At the time, I might of took offense to it but now, I totally understood. I couldn't wait to have a mini-Gabriella running around._

"_Babe, did you bring down the dessert?" she asked, pulling me out of my thoughts._

"_Sorry, I forgot all about it."_

"_It's okay. I'll go get it. You put it in the trunk, right?"_

_My eyes widened as she attempted to fish my keys out of my pocket. I would of swatted her away but my hands were full with the gifts."N-no, I can get it," I stuttered. My heart was hammering in my chest. She couldn't see her gift just yet._

"_Don't be silly," she said, retracting her hand from my pocket to reveal my car keys, "you have gifts to put under the tree. So get to it, Santa." She playfully winks and turns to go out to the car._

"_Wait," I said and she turned back to look at me curiously. "I left my phone in the car."_

"_Okay. Where'd you put it."_

"_I don't know," I said and she just started at me blankly. "See, this is why you should let me get it. I don't want you staying out in the cold for too long. So why don't you run into the kitchen and say greet our moms."_

_She nodded slowly and slipped my keys back into my pocket. She tilted her head to the side slightly and for what felt like forever, she just stared at me. "Are you okay?" she finally asked._

"_Perfect," I said and gave her a quick peck on the lips. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to put these gifts under the tree." I walked away before she could study my actions any further. Gabriella Montez was no fool. She knew something was up and she was probably just moments away from figuring out my whole plan on the spot._

_The rest of the night went by in such a blur. As if we were one big happy family, we ate dinner together and laughed over the same stories we told every year. Over the past five years, our families grew close. It was probably because our families were small to begin with. Both of our parents were single children and none of our relatives lived within the state. Naturally, family holidays were therefore always spent together, not that I was complaining._

"_What's that under the tree?" my mom asked as she started cleaning up the wrapping paper off of the floor once we finished opening gifts. "Gabriella, dear, it has your name on it."_

_Her beautiful brown eyes widened as she meekly reached for the small box._

"_Maybe Santa dropped it off for you," I said with a smirk._

"_Troy," she said, drawing out the vowel in the mine. She rarely whines but when she does, she sounds adorable. "I thought we agreed that we wouldn't exchange gifts this year."_

"_Are you saying no to a free gift?" I teased, loving the way she struggled to remain annoyed with me._

"_Whatever it is, I'm sure that it could have waited till next year. You already spent so much on my twenty-first birthday!"_

"_Well, that was your birthday and this is Christmas. Two different celebrations. Two different gifts."_

"_Troy, take it back," she said softly, trying to shove the box back in my hands._

"_Gabriella, I'm not returning it," I told her sternly as I set the box in her lap. "I promise you, the gift didn't cost me more than five bucks."_

_She looked at me hesitantly at first as she tore off the wrapping paper. But then she sees the gifts and her sweet giggles filled the room. "Candy canes?" she asked in disbelief as our parents laughed along with her._

_I grinned. "You always said that they were your favorite part of the Christmas season."_

_She threw her arms around me then and muttered her thanks in my ear. "You're the sweetest."_

"_Want to eat one now?"_

"_Did you forget who you're talking to?"_

_The smile never leaves her face as I take the box from her hands and pry out one of the treats. I carefully opened the straight of the J-shaped treat first and held it out for her to take. "You know, after all of these years, I still find it weird that you eat that end of the candy cane first."_

"_Hey, don't make f-"She suddenly froze with her hand just inches away from her candy. Her eyes widened and the color seemed to drain completely from her face._

"_Gabriella, baby? What's wrong?" I asked with feigned concern._

_The room was completely silent as we all watched as she struggled to form a sentence._

"_Is that-"_

"_A candy cane?" I finished with a smirk. "Why yes, babe, it is."_

_My nonchalant attitude seemed like it was enough to snap her out of whatever trace she was in because slapped my leg._

"_Troy Alexander Bolton," she began, using the voice she usually reserved for scolding the children at the daycare where she worked._

"_Yes, dear?"_

"_Is that what I think it is?"_

"_A ca-"_

"_If you say it's a candy cane again, I swear to God that I will-"_

_I didn't even hear the rest of her threat because I stunned her with a quick kiss. Still smiling, I slid the object of frustration off of the hooked end of the candy cane and tossed the candy aside. I kneeled in front of her, which was difficult considering that we were both seated on the floor. But it didn't matter that I wasn't doing it the traditional way because frankly, we weren't traditional. I took her hands in mine and began reciting what I've been practicing for the past month._

"_When we were 17, you walked into my life and I just knew that there was something special about you. Then you opened your mouth and sung and I couldn't believe that you were really. A week later, thanks to some greater power, you ended up in my school. When you walked back into my life, I knew that it was fate. We were meant to be together. Look at us. It's four years later, here we are- still going strong. Gabriella, baby, I could never imagine a world without you. Will you do me the honor of being mine forever? Gabriella Maria Montez, will you marry me?"_

_Maybe it was her lack of response that made me so nervous that I held my breath. Or it could of just been the smile that graced her face. Despite the tears fell from her big brown eyes, she was smiling from ear to ear. I had never seen her smile that wide before and it's an image of her that I burned into my mind. _

"_Yes!" she finally exclaimed, causing my own smile to breakout on my face as she threw her arms around me and screamed that one word over and over again._

_o.o.o.o.o _

"This Christmas was suppose to be the best one yet," I say as I dump another handful of pills into my mouth and swallow wholeheartedly.

We had a plan.

Just before midnight, on December 24, 2010, we were suppose to be standing at the front of the Ski Lodge's chapel. Our parents would be right there with us, along with our closest friends. If I close my eyes, I can see her in that beautiful wedding dress that was every bit as elegant as she was. Her hair would be left down in their natural curls and she would wear the smallest amount of makeup, if any at all. She was already so naturally beautiful.

We were going to say our own vows. Mine was already written and memorized. I lost count of how many times I wrote it and rewrote it. But it didn't matter because I needed it to be perfect. She deserved nothing less than perfection. I wonder if she even began to writer hers. Among other things, she was a gifted writer. I couldn't wait to hear what she had to say about our love.

But plans fall apart.

Here I am on December twenty-fourth, on what should be my wedding day. I was suppose to marry my high school sweetheart at the resort where we first met and fell in love. I was ready to take that next and pledge myself completely to her. But let's face it, I was already hers from the very start.

So why am I sitting here all alone on this winter's night?

It's simple really: She left me.

"Baby, it's not Christmas without you," I say as I ran my fingers over the divots of the cold stone, following the curve of every letter.

_Gabriella Montez_

_Beloved Daughter, Sister and Wife_

_August 12, 1988 - August 23, 2010_

Giving the bottle a final shake, I empty the pills on to my hand. Not giving it a second thought, I swallow them, chasing them down with some vodka. I shut my eyes and rest my forehead against the freezing tombstone as I let the darkness come over me. My body's going numb and I don't know if it's from the cold or if it's the sleeping pills doing their job. All I'm really sure of is that there's no me without her.

* * *

**A/N:** I know, I should of been working on Entwined and believe me, I honestly didn't plan to write a Christmas oneshot this year but this idea wouldn't leave me alone so I had to write it. I know that it wasn't the most cheerful oneshots but the flashbacks were happy at least, right? haha..well, there are Christmas shots on my profile if you guys need some cheering up. I hope you guys liked it! I wanted to try writing in a different point of view that I don't normally don't use. If you're reading Entwined, please let me know which writing style you liked best. Oh and that final chapter is coming out before the New Year, whether I like it not. :D

Hope you enjoyed reading this and please review!

Happy Holidays!  
Lots of Love,  
Kae xx


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